The Huen family tree: 28 years of assorted ornaments and counting @powderpuffff #hoarders #jessiecountsdowntochristmas #itsnotchristmaswithoutanuglytree
signed my contract today…. I’m more than happy about having a job (finally) but somehow it felt like I was signing my life away :’( I think I feel this way because to this day I’m not quite sure that I’m heading into the firm that God wants me to go into (although all the signs seem to say yes, and I think we have seen several times over how if God doesn’t want me to go someplace He just won’t let me)… I think I was much more comfortable with the idea/excuse of wanting a job that had worklife balance (in order to justify my lack of ambition) than I am now with the realisation that I will actually have to work 9-3am everyday for months at a time.
But it’s funny isn’t it? Funny how maybe I’ve come full circle.
I wanted a job with the big 4 and I was willing to do the work that comes along with it. Then God showed me and helped me realise that work and ambition isn’t all that - that changed my perspective and led me to consider what I really want out of life (a family, a life outside of work, a sense of accomplishment from my job) - this led me to want a job in a small/med firm for the flexibility/better life/training it would give me. Then I was worried about the opportunities I would get at a small firm - what quality of training would I get, where would I rise to ??? Which ended with what should have been an ideal solution - a small firm with a big name - but brought me back to square one wrt work-life balance and working hours.
God has given me everything I want, but the greedy sinner in me just wants more and more and isn’t satisfied with what’s she’s given. I’ve been asking God to put me anywhere, as long as it’s where He wants, and it’s where He knows I will flourish as a person and a Christian. He answers my prayer and gives me an offer I can’t (with good conscience) refuse; and I choose to nitpick about it. Ironic isn’t it? He places me where He wants (I think) and where He thinks is best for me (also I think) and at the end of this whole year-long journey, I still think I know better than Him.
How fickle is the human/mortal heart! I claim God knows best and I claim I’ve gone through this whole process and I’ve learnt so much out of it and at the end of it, I still think I know better than Him!! Clearly I haven’t learnt anything at all about acceptance and about submission.
WHAT A REALISATION. TUMBLR YOU HAVE JUST WITNESSED A REVELATION IN ACTION. (okay sorry being overdramatic here)
I still have so much to learn; so so much to learn.